"As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It's about gasoline". - Jay Leno
OK, so that didn't work out so well. Now Bush wants to save the earth by drilling more in the US. It's hard to top Bush for weird ideas. Mark Morford does exploit the weirdness of Bush's ideas and I recommend reading him. But I don't think he goes far enough.
Here's how we save the earth from global warming and stimulate the economy by using the oil companies. As Morford points out, oil companies do what they do: drill. They can't help themselves. So let's help them by following up on Bush's idea that what we really need is more drilling at home. Literally. Your home.
Yes, of course the US could launch an initiative to develop new fuel and transportation technologies. But isn't that somehow subversive? Let's stay with whale oil: oops, I mean petroleum. We can do this.
Remember this famous quote? "If you don't have an oil well, get one" - Eddie Chiles, famous conservative. Well, this is a national emergency. Let's require, by federal law, that every major oil company buy the mineral rights of every property owner in the US for some significant price. That stimulates the economy right there. It's not actually a tax on the oil companies: they get something in return.
And they will start drilling: they can't help themselves. Imagine a pumpjack in every backyard. At least two good things will happen. First, everyone will get to see first-hand why perhaps drilling in wilderness areas isn't such a great idea. Second, by drilling everywhere, we will produce all of the oil we will need for the next century!
What? You don't believe the last part? You say the oil companies would go bankrupt trying to drill for oil that doesn't exist? And we couldn't build enough refineries even if it did? Oh, dear. Guess we're all doomed then. Never mind.©Charles Petrie 2008 Weird Views